I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
