she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
