Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
