Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
