I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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