there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize