when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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