Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think people are normalizing furries
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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