I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
