My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
