please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
