I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
