I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
