Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Floor bacon is actually really good
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
