WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
