pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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