She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
