...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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