Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
