There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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