broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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