I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
