I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
