He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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