hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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