So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
