I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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