Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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