I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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