If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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