On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
