apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
