she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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