U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
