I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
