We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
