Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
