i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
