Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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