I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
