This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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