I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
