I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
