U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
