you would pick up someone in the library
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
