I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
