she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't turn off my feet"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
