im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
