Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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