if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
