wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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