:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
