I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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