He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
