This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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