you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
