The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize