Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
