I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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