Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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