Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
